I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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