break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
