my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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