either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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