oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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