If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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