Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
