yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
