No awkward lesbian experiences without me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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