Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
