I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
