From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dignity is for republicans.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
