dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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