I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
