Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
