Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
