she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
