Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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