Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
