My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
