I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When are your genitals available?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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