P.S. I can't hear my feet
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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