question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
