All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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