I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
