I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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