Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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