Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
