Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
