i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
