Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
