jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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