i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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