You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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