According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
