we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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