my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drake has all the answers
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
