seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found puke in my bra..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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