he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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