i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
