I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I want is dick and wine.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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