I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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