Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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