the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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