Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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