Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
