That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
