Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
