Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
