She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
