too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
